I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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