Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
