If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
