Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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