I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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