Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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