whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
honey bunches of taint.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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