I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
