none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
