if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
