She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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