JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
