I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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