I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
