I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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