apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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