He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
