You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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