Kiss
Puke
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
