My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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