Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
