she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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