i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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