Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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