I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize