glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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