What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
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