he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
