i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
