Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
