I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
