Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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