if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
