Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
