your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
