I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My Higher Power is John Stamos
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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