You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
