dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
