I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
