i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
