All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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