On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
