I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize