I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
