How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
