I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
