You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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