Swine flu is the new snow day.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
