We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
