No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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