She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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