Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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