and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
