I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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