I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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