VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
