Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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