I am puke
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
