my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
