I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
