just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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